Saturday, May 07, 2005

I was all sad and depressed about stuff this morning. It was not fun. Although, in some ways, it is kind of nice to just kind of wallow in it every once and a while. Of course, I say this several hours later when I have successfully distracted myself from everything. Anyway, it seems that a lot of my crap stems from feeling too wrapped up in work. I mean, seriously, I feel like I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself – although I do manage to get stuff done – and I just feel stupid a lot.

So I went out this morning to drop off stuff at the Salvation Army and get money from the ATM and go grocery shopping. I ended up going to Trader Joe’s, which I normally don’t go to because they don’t have a huge selection and I honestly think it is a little bit more expensive even though they have fun stuff. And there is a Barnes and Noble next to it. I ended up buying two books – I’m Not the New Me by Wendy McClure (of Pound fame) and Necessary Dreams, a book that I read last summer but started re-reading because it seemed appropriate given my current situation. It’s all about women and ambition. Plus I always wanted to write in the margins and underline stuff and you can’t do that – well, you shouldn’t – to a library book. But I also ended up reading a book called Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office. Yeah, it’s something that is cheesy and totally business oriented and working in a library is perhaps not as corporate of an environment, but the advice was still, for the most part, relevant. Well, except for the fact that I will probably never have a corner office. Basically, I need to stop downplaying myself and stop being so nice. Being direct is not a bad thing. Nice is all good and done, but sometimes you need to get stuff done. And I need to remember that.

I know that I haven’t been posting as much as I used to – mostly because I don’t post while I’m working, but I’m going to try to post more often. I am also – after today – not going to bring anything home with me unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. (Today is one of those absolutely necessary times – I have to get these stupid handouts made and I have been having trouble focusing at work.) And I am working on not overthinking things while I’m at home or work. It’s not good. I know it’ll be hard, but seriously, I must have something more interesting to think about.

In other more positive news, Confirmation is officially over!! Huzzah. Also, it appears that we may be starting up trivia again this summer, which will make me very happy. And is also helpful because it will not involve people from work. I feel as though I need to branch outside of work – or at least when with people from work, find something other than work to talk about. Yes, the library is fascinating, but it’s not EVERYTHING.

Okay, more books have been read. I have also been doing some comfort reading this week in order to distract myself from stupid shite. Number 29 - The Virgin, which was a pretty lame-o take on reality television. Don’t bother! Number 30 - Swing by Rupert Holmes, a mystery set during the World’s Fair in 1944 (or something like that) which was interesting. It’s not the best that I’ve read, but it was good. Plus it comes with a CD that I didn’t listen to. Number 31 – The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery. One of my favorite by her – it’s a sweet romance that is eminently re-readable. Totally recommend if you’re a closet romantic. Number 32 – A Tangled Web by L.M. Montgomery. It’s more of a skim, but it’s about a big clannish family and the conflicts stemming from a heritage jug. Number 33 – The Cat Who Went Bananas. Definitely not as good as previous ones. I am also disappointed by the fact that Polly, the main character’s main squeeze, gave up being a librarian to open a bookshop which totally sounds like a freakin’ library, only it sells books. Kind of annoying. And the story was so-so. I wasn’t really caught up in it. And then this morning I read Josie and Jack, which was pretty fascinating. The backjacket describes it as a story in the spirit of Patricia Highsmith (author of The Talented Mr. Ripley and Strangers on a Train) and it was totally! Highly recommend it if you’re in the mood for a kind of weird story of a very close brother and sister.

Alright, I’m off to do stupid work stuff. Must be done!!

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